|Female 18, Stressed Out & Done|
I almost had nothing to write about this week. I was stuck, but I don't think it was because I was suffering from a bad case of writers block. I think that it's mostly because of my attitude of things lately.
I don't even know where to begin with the things going on right now. Maybe I can just start with school. First of all the Senior Class Counselors are pretty much useless. There is honestly no other way to describe them but, useless and rude! Let's start with last year, the end of my Junior year. I go to the counselor to start making my schedule for the next year and I have it all already planned. When I get there I was asked the normal question that everyone I'm sure is asked, " Do you know what you want to go to college for?" Now let's just begin by saying this is the stupidest question I have ever been asked, I am 18 years old, not even close to the halfway point in my life, and I have these people asking me to sit down in a chair and tell them how I want the rest of my life planned out! It's so frustrating. I don't know what will happen when I go to college or where I am going with my life. Sorry I didn't exit the womb with my life plan typed out in MLA format and all my reasoning cited. Anyway, I tell this woman what I tell everyone when they ask me, I want to get a Psychology degree. This conversation should have been done at this point right? NO! this adult woman who was hired by the public school system proceeded to scoff at my plans and say to me " I meant do you want to go to college for something that will get you a job, I'm pretty sure the garbage man has a psychology degree." HOW DARE HER! What does it matter whether or not I am going to get a job with that degree. I'm sorry I live in a place where every boy is either a fisherman or works at the chemical plant, and every female is a housewife or a nurse. Don't judge my life. I guess it is easy to get into the counseling business since these half taught rude bitches can do it.
So long story short, now I'm basically in a bunch of honors courses I didn't pick and that are dropping my GPA because it makes the school look better to have a higher ratio of honors kids. They've turned school into something that I can't stand to get up for in the morning. I should be embracing my senior year and hanging out with my friends and family before I go god knows where in a year. I shouldn't be home crying over a graphing calculator and turning in 4 page essays on the first week of school. And, on top of all of this when you go to them to ask if they can switch you to an easier class because it's just not possible; they pretty much tell you it's your fault that you don't understand and you " need to find more time to study" while also saying you should join after school activities so it looks good for college resumes.
So pretty much my life is stressful mess. I don't understand any of my pre-calc work because my teacher is the definition of a fucking idiot, my anxiety is through the roof because i'm in a school of 1700 people and my teachers seem to think that me not being able to talk in front of 30 people whom I've never spoken to is just my way of defying them and it's "disrespectful", and I kind of really want to be in a relationship because, well, I don't really know why. Maybe it's because everything else sucks so much and I need something good. But let's not talk about my love life, or lack of one. I'll save that for another post..
For now I'm just going to go read a good book and try to make the most of my senior year, as crappy as I know it's going to be. Maybe I'll try to make friends with more people and laugh a little more, but as of right now I'm signing off and going blast pop punk as a wallow in self pity.(lol)
-Until Next Time, XO
" All that is gold does not glitter. Not all those who wander are lost. The old that is strong does not wither, deep roots are not reached by the frost." J.R.R. Tolkien
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